date: Wednesday, January 26, 2005 @ 8:20 pm
title:
Bumboat trip back to mainland.Joshua and Yao Chuan..
date: @ 7:57 pm
title: Day 26: I'm Down with Flu..
I'm sick. Very sick. so short and sweet..
Well. today was a awesome day. Meet ex-classmates during lectures. Went for guitar and learnt something precious. Hehe.. Hanged out with Ber and strummed the guitar while chatting until Joanna and Pei Ru got done with Rugby. Watch Soccer match, SRJC .Vs. RP.
SRJC won. 3 - 0.
Very sick still.. I might stop blogging for a preiod. I hate to confess.. it's wasting my time. I took 3 - 4 hours to blog. Bleak... Sore throat and running nose.
By the way, Girls Roxxx.. i can't imagine a world without them. Or my world without them. Guys too are GREAT.. Must have balance. Balance life.
Everyone is awesome lar.. Give praise to God. Yeehaa..
date: Friday, January 21, 2005 @ 11:24 pm
title:
Once Upon a Time... Toby, Me and Yao Chuan
date: @ 7:51 pm
title: Day 21: Shopping Spree..
Yeeha! Today's a public holiday.. and I went shopping at Bugis Junction with my Scouts pals.(without Joshua because he's attached. piang seh me.. boo hoo hoo.)
Sutrino plus Wei Jun plus Me.. what a awesome threesome! haha..
Sutrino is MAD.. he's too academic-orientated. Yesterday, he proposed to go library to study.. He's CRAZY.. over the limit liao.. but can't blame him ma, he's in AJC lei.. Zai guy.
Well.. I went there was to look for something for someone very special to me.. a friend that I met not long ago.. a gal that makes me heart beat faster each time i see her.. in fear
J-I-A-(blank)-L-I.. Jia Li
She's the one that declared that I'm a flirt.. Ouch! It hurts still.
However, she thought of me.. imagine some gal thinks of you after meeting you.. that's so sweet. but in a negative way - not cool at all..
We went to MOSburger for lunch and... I found my long desire beverage that I crave for years and years and many many years since MacDonald stop producing it.. my drug..
Milk Shakes.. they called it the MOS Shakes..
Yeeha.. Mmmmmilk Ssssshakess.. woo la la
I bought this Vanilla favor. I was mesmerized by the approaching lady with the cup of shakes on her hand and carefully placed it on the tray. I couldn't believe that it's always been under my nose and now it REALLY under my nose. I tried to breathe in to tickle my nose with the scent, however.. nothing.
Vanilla.. I just thought of Jia Li.. She detests the Vanilla smell. She will puke.. eee..
Armed with 2 milk shakes on my tray. One for Sutrino and myself. I said a quick prayer and there goes my first sip.. the cooling and icey milk shake slipped thru the white straw and finally touched my burning lips and sipped thru my teeth.. with my sensors reading.. ' this is heaven sia..'
Den we had a JC-related conversation.. bla bla.. chio bu.. bla bla.. more chio bu.. bla bla bla..
well.. to me everyone is chio bu..
so my stand was my class was formed up of 21 chio bu and 6 shuai ge. I'm average joe..
Den tok about baptism.. cos Wei Jun's going to be baptism liao lor.. Yeeha!
3 cheers for Wei Jun..
Boom Ba X 3
Well.. u know. Guys have bigger mouth when it comes to food.. I gulped down my MOS cheeseburger with 5 huge mouths.. den I left with the wrapper with the wet sauce dripping along the sides.. sian....
Shopping spree.. see and look look. I was hunting for cute cute things.. small and cute.
But the problem was.. what is cute?
I still can't fathom what cute is?
Is God cute? or super duper cute?
Maybe I'm cute.. eee.. I shy.
Den something caught my eyes.. Chocolates!
As I approached the cart stall.. I was intimidated by the pricing..
2 for 4 bucks..
sometime.. I think the smaller a product gets, the more expensive it gets..
Think of women's undergarment.. the lesser the garment covers, the more expensive it gets.. like the ones at Seiyu I saw today.
Again sometimes.. I'm so tempted to wear them and feel that superior some women feel..
I decided to patronize others before closing my conclusion..
Saw other cute cute ones, but the pricing was like.. terrible. horrible. crazy.
That's why some stores have poster like: Crazy Sales.
Derrr.. the pricing was crazy ma. So how? Supply + Demand = Price
Who says that only women enjoys shopping? I too for now...
I'm so pampered by myself..
I oso bought something for me as well. I'm turning into a tai tai.. Ahhh...
I went muji..
Purple gel pen I bought.. so purpleeee... hehe..
Purple.. a colour that many declared as international gay colour. However, I say otherwise. It's a colour that symbolize royalty and majesty. You see.. all things that are declared pure by God, is always defiled by the world.
Purple. An international gay colour, but an universal royal symbolic colour.
Not to forget.. I oso bought a jet-black cosmetic bag, which I intended to convert it into my new pencil case.. to shaft all my stationeries inside.. which cosmetic products should be..
The mirrors. lipstick. lipbum. oil control film. bla bla bla...
HELLO!! i'm a guy.. why must and how should I know.
Sutrino.. oso bought something for himself as well.. a mechanical pencil from muji.
Cardzzzzzzzzzz... Passed by the bra and undies section and den reached the cardzzzzz section.. I was mesmerized by the amount and the quantity and the quality and the choices..
myriad of colours.. from plain white to purple poker dots to almost wearing nothing..
I think it takes quite a courage to wear those 'things'..
Women.. I take my hat off for u.
Yes.. cardsss.. I was slightly carried away by my unexpected adventure in Seiyu. What an eye opener!
Okie.. cards. I was with Sutrino as we searched profusely for a suitable card when we came across some, every lame cards that we burst out loud, blasting the rational consumers (econs term for shoppers) with our laughter, which invited unwelcome stares but we ignored.
I shall keep that aside.. otherwise no kick. Next time buy cards.. den not funny liao.. Shhh..
Sigh.. I'm so not and so look forward to tomorrow...
Choir.. I dunno why. But the peices that i sang yesterday make me very stress.. Spiritually down... dunno why. I feel like quitting the choir but the problem was that the choir was under membership crisis..
Not enough guys..
Looking forward because of two facts:
Cell group - able to get to know God better.
Aura Gathering - slacking time... woo hoo!!
Dunno lar..
Ask God lor.. He's my assurance ma..
'Seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness, and all will be added on u.'
God Rulzzzz..
date: Thursday, January 20, 2005 @ 1:31 pm
title: Day 19: Evangelism Wednesday..
'There are six things the Lord hates - no, seven things he detests:
Haughty eyes,
a lying tongue,
hands that kill the innocent,
a heart that plots evil,
feet that race to do wrong,
a false witness who pours out lies,
a person who sows discord among brothers,'
Proverbs 6:16-19
Today was a God anointed day. Everything was done by God and His messager. No one. Not including myself could accomplish thru my own strength and will. A continuous spiritual killer waves - Spiritual Tsunami...
I woke up rather early this morning at about 5:35 a.m. to do my quiet time. I was rather reluctant to drag my semi-paralyzed body, and poised myself upon my desk to seek God. But I was a slave of God, so no choice.. die die must do. Speaking in Tongues. Awesome tool to drill into the skull to switch my 'stand-by' mode to 'running' mode.
After about.. 5 mins of Tongues with the first 2 mins in sub-conscious, I was ready to hear what God planned for me today - Ecclesiastes.. Ecclesiastes.. Chapter 11..
' Be sure to stay busy and plant a variety of crops, for you never know which will grow - perhaps they all will. ' Ecclesiastes 11:6
My rehma of the day.
Huh?? I asked God to teach me the practical usage of this verse and ended my QT with specific prayers and speaking of Tongues as I was slightly distracted my mother's inspection with the what-was-my-son-do-in-his-room-at-this-hour peeking.
The morning standard procedure: Bathe. Brush teeth. Comb hair. Gulping down the hot milk while donning in Marist uniform. Last check for necessary items. Mandatory shout of farewell. A short distance sprint-cum-big walk to the bustop. Greet a fellow SRJCian. Board the approaching 55,25 or 854 bus @ 6:55 a.m..
However, today was exceptionally surprised to meet Ying Ying on 854. How coincident that was. Exchanged a few seconds of glance before engaging in a conversation. Well.. all the usual questions: what class.. bla bla bla... A smooth ride along the slightly jam-packed morning traffic with vehicles ferrying student to school. Silence invaded the bus. I wasn't into any conversation with her, as the capacity of the bus was reaching its maximum sooner or later. One stop before SRJCians alight, I was crammed at a corner. Sardine...
Jason was early and he had his indecent hair trimmed and spiked to its highest. He looked depressed.. Den the first wave of spiritual attack.. My usual 'morning greeting' was cold.. Almost everyone diao me.. ignored me.. isolated me.. expelled my presence.. it was cold.. very cold..
Kidding!! I dunno lar.. people just wasn't that friendly, that's all..
gals - the possible occurrence of PMS.
guys - suffering post-depression after being forced to trim their sideburn and tails..
I got no idea.. But that's nothing compared to the next spine-shivering experience: Her bloodshot cold stare..
Who was that beast that a man-to-be was so terrified of...
erm... i forgot her name. haha..
the peicai sec gal lar..
donned in her usual coffee-brown pleat bottom and blouse.
She really look like Dory.. (an insider of RN.)
and...
I accidentally dragged her into my huge infamous Aura 5 scandal.. den now when Aura 5 sees peicai student, they will be extremely excited. Blames are all upon my shoulders.
and...
she loves Kimura Takuya 木村拓哉.. a Jap actor/artist.
and...
she hates me!! boo hoo hoo.. all my careless talking’s fault, which in the end is still my fault.
As usual.. (how many times have I repeat this phrase?) she poised all by herself along the white coated wall in front of LT 4, awaiting for someone to approach her.. And I was goon-do (stupid) enough to fall into her snare, den her tongue was like the snap that pierced like a double-edged sword right thru my fragile heart.
' You are a FLIRT! You PLAY with girls because you are insecured..'
I detest the word ' flirt'... I tried to rebut her false accusation, but I was still outwitted by her. Den God remembered me about Jesus’ calmness when he was on the verge to be crucified.. He spoke what was sufficient and remained silent.. I forced a smile and asked God,
' Why? Why God?'
Oh no... Germaine, an innocent party that might be roped into my dispute with her, as I watched her approaching Germaine... Propaganda.
'... FLIRT... dun you agree?' she was again emphasizing the explicit word..
' No lar.. I flirt with ZHan.' Germaine's answer shocked her for a... like 3 secs. Silence is golden.
She gave me the unbelievable look and tiled her head high, acting as though she didn't hear that and continued to talk to Germaine.
God rulz..
I need not to defend myself and others are speaking up for me.
Who else is a better witness than myself? haha...
Dunno what was going on in her mind after than, but she still give me the creeps.. now even as I'm typing about this adventure of mine in my concrete jungle.
Fishtank...
God warned me in the morning as I was seeking Him, I was foretold not to visit the fishtank at all.. den I huh-uh?? God what do you mean??
After my history lesson ended, I surveyed the fishtank.. no one playing cards. nothing evil was in sight. I ignored the fishtank as I was famished. I had to satisfy my groaning stomach.. den... i remembered mama's bread.. yesterday's and today's
Using economics term, the Law of Supply and Demand.. Ceteris Paribus. I'm a rational consumer, so I'm going to buy:
'a canned coffee and a small milk carton + my mama's love bread = food to satisfy my hunger'
Marist Communion... Staff Sergeant Phillip + Benjamin + SKY + SKY's classmate + my ex- English classmate.
Marist United.. we shared our most precious moments in SRJC to feast.. Oie!
Den.. Shu Wei.. 'poof' appeared suddenly. NA!!!
She was with the 'flirting-propaganda' gal, by the Newsweek booth. There sat a rather well-refined gentlemen who seem to don himself with a rather exquisite accessories and eye-catching hairstyle.. lion king.. hhaa..
Shu Wei was like so.. I dunno.. apprehensive towards me. All the scandal's fault...
Den as usual, the gals were there but the guys were nowhere to be found.. I sat with the gals.
Well.. even the most handsome and well-refined gentleman with a huge ego that his heart can't even contain can make his WRONG move.. I sat in front of Syuhada and beside Wileen.
One of the most deadliest arrangement and I shall not go into further explanation why it's deadly..
'Treat others the way you want others to treat you.' God spoke.
I knew something was wrong...
1.) My dearest friends including myself had convert other people's table to ours.
2.) There would have a tendency of another outbreak of rumors.
I made up my mind and stood, kept my stuff and left. I went to wherever I was led to and reached the 2nd level's study area.
The only solution from all the above problems was to run away from it and I did it. Amen!!
Bla bla bla.. went for econs lecture and 45mins later I was out. I didn;t have the feeling to go down to fishtank.. dunno why. I lingered about the study area outside the library.. den just nice met Phillip..
He wanted to study den we got together and found a rather cozy corner to study.
I wasn't in the mood to read anything, except guitar chords.. I poised the guitar by my lap and started to strum..
horrible!! pain to my ears, not to say the irritation to Phillip who was busy copying Math C notes..
After he finished.. I accidentally started to evangelise with an opener:
' Eh.. do you believe in God?'
Initially, he was contemplating for a while and doing his Math C tutorial.. den he stopped writing and contemplated even deeper.. We had an evangelim conversation.. YEah!!!
I cleared most of his uncertainty of Christianity and Catholic.. bla bla bla.. Truth was spoken under the influence of the Holy Spirit.. YEah!!!
God Rulz...
Den the rest of the day was guitar club and bal bla bla.. the standard homerun procedure.. den now 30 mins past midnight.. I die die must retire liao...
date: Tuesday, January 18, 2005 @ 11:30 pm
title:
Rockclimbing..
date: @ 11:27 pm
title:
Cardcaptor Sakura.. my teenhood idol
date: @ 2:56 pm
title: Day 18: Jerusalem...
Lately, I have been abusing God's gift - my tongues.
'Out of the abundance of your heart, your mouth speaks.'
I dunno why. But lately, I'm craving for love. It might be the incapability to adapt to my institutional environment, however I rather think otherwise. Spiritual attack.
Lust for physical is no much longer a transgression for me. But lust for emotions is starting to stir within me. It's been prophesied, which was one year ago. It took one year for it to come to pass, but it came rather unexpectedly.
I was seeking for love, though in the desert craving for the drink of love. I was desperate in one sense, but withdrawing in another. I was afraid that what I do now, will be what I will be reaping in the future. I dare not venture over the boundary.
Suddenly, God's unfailing love seem to fade away and my love for other became perverted by the temptation of my emotions. I left my God aside, to pursue my love. Words from my mouth were though as sweet as honey but was actual fact as poisonous as death. It was a double-edged sword.
My love was not brotherly love, but a love that the season wasn't there yet. I was anguished by my words and actions. I tarished myself by my own words. I defiled my Lord the God by my thoughtless behaviour. I was slow to unveil the cloth over my eyes, that He took away the pillars from the temple of God - me.
I wasn't walking with God, as I was distracted from my calling.
Today in fishtank, I was caught in between a few crossfire of the end product of my careless talking, I was the center of all slanders and scandals. I couldn't cope with the bombardment of the gossip and rumor. I needed out. I had to excuse myself for a break. Far away from them. I headed for the toilet.
I asked myself: what have I done?
A brisk of wind swept past me. Depression fell upon me. My laughter caught with the wind and left me. A tormenting and distressing spirit came upon me. I lost my tongue. Gulit prevented me from opening my mouth, I stopped sing hymns and praise. I was suffering depression.
Mono answer. I couldn't engage in a conversation with anyone after I returned. I decided to burrow into my history note and concentrate. I asked myself again: what have I done?
One by one left for lectures. Others gathered to play cards. I was by myself and I knew the radiance of His anointing left me. I wasn't glowing in His presence as my emotion was in agony. I knew it.
After school, I strolled laugishly. I was alone by myself for I knew, I had to be alone for God to minister to me. I decided to walk to Heartland Mall to purchase some stationeries. I took the long way.
Along the way, I composed a short poem.
------------------------------------------
I am a Prophet, you are a Gentile.
How is it possible for us to be together.
I crave for you, yet you shun me.
I chose you over anything else,
yet you forsaken me.
My expression is in vain,
for the word I spoke,
is nothing but vain.
My thoughts are fruitless,
for they mount to nothing,
like the cloud that fades.
Who should I wept upon,
for no one knows me.
They claimed to reverence me,
but in truth they fear me.
'My friend,' they greet me,
' my fiend,' they backstab me.
Who can I trust.
My God or nothing.
For He made me,
before my mother conceived me.
My God, My God.
Why have you forsaken me.
------------------------------------------
Song of Songs... Song of Songs... Song of Songs... a voice echoed within me.
I poised the bible and browsed the book.
'I want you to promise, O women of Jerusalem, not to awaken love until the time is right.'
This verse appeared a few times across the book of Songs, as I read. And each time, it struck me harder and harder and my bitterness diffused gradually. I was in God's presence for a second. And again felt His unfailing love pouring into me again. Filling the temple with His characteristic. Judgement. Mercy. Love. Grace. Discipline...
I smiled. 'God Rulz...'
date: Monday, January 17, 2005 @ 8:36 pm
title: Day 17: Ask a Boy to Do a Man's Job.. Rockclimbing
Look out for a hunk..
I'm a Real Man now!!!
Well toned upper torso with muscular hairless legs.. To tell you, I'm so proud of God's creation.. I glad that I'm still hairless at the areas where the sun does shine.. Armpit hairless.. Amen!!!
Today was an awesome day.. Darn! 'Awesome' has became so cliche.. But it's the truth. Nothing can express better than this.
Morning.. I woke up at 6:30a.m. - I was dead late. I supposed to wake up early in the morning to do quiet time, but.. hehe.. overslept.
However, luckily.. so blessed by my parents. They were working early today, so I needed not to squeeze with people on SBS bus... Den Jason and Han Qian, both poised by the gate, preparing to pounce on me, thus devouring deep into my flesh until my bone was in sight...
They said my statement, 'Good Morning!!'
I was still in standby mode, 'Good...Mor...ning...'
I gave my morning smile and strolled towards a party of youths, blabbing about everything and anything under the sun.. It was though, the first day of school - I had to find my new class: 1A04..
Today was not the usual me and the usual Arua 5 has been forcefully disbanded by the college authorities.. However, the Aura 5 spirit still live on - indecisiveness.. haha...
Melissa!! If you are reading this.. Smile!
She's like so.. incompatible with the majority bodies of Arua 5 - when we are trying to keep awake in lecture theater, she's playing with her fingers in the 'fishtank' ( the aircon study area). Den when we are enjoying the aircon in the tank.. she's trying to absorb all the lectures.Melissa.. dun be sad. I do think that there's other's with you right? Relax lar..
Life's great. Met new people. From strangers to friends.. You know. the formula to approach a stranger is.. 'Love'. Once you love the person and see them as one of you that will overrun the world with the gospel like fire that never cease.. conversation to know them better will be like rushing wind brushing. I tell you lar.. there is so much to talk about under the sun, everything and anything..
Met Suyhada's friend - Wileen. Sat with her as both of us had CCA after school at an undesirable time, both of us mugged like muggers until almost all the tutorials and necessary revision for our lectures. She's so concentrated.. FED UP !! People... Relax lar.. but she's great. A good motivation for me to complete the tutorials and some part of history notes.. She's a TKSSian as well.
Den went Rockclimbing training with Samuel.. it's so embarrassing for me. I donned myself in short track pants almost like wearing nothing inside if my singlet is slightly larger and longer... that's how short it is. But phew.. Wee Keong lend me his white midlength track pants. Save me the awkward situation..
The circuits were tough but I really enjoyed it. It's like between tough and slacky.. when I was lying on the red track encircled the field, preparing to do one of the stations. I thought of 'the Passion of Christ.' I looked into the blue sky clouded with gray clouds, I imagine God was looking at me.. Smiling. His smile made all the physical pain immune to my battered body. It's like never felt like that before.. shiok man!!
After the 4th circuit.. my body wasn't mine already. They tore it into pieces and stretched every part of my muscle.. den fixed it back again. Horrible!! But i like it..
Rockclimbing.. here I come.
date: Wednesday, January 12, 2005 @ 7:56 pm
title: Day 11: Metamorphosis...
Argumentative essay: ZHan is an abnormal youth. To what extend to you agree?
If I were to say, 'Absolutely, I agree all the way.' I think my GP tutors will be driven up the wall when they receive my essay about myself.
Nostalgic.. To a certain extend, I agree. ZHan is a SanPhleg personality mammal, thus he's characteristic would be quite unpredictable, especially he's famished or during his PMS period or extremely drained. He has the ability to expand across his fullness, to the extend of burning himself out.
When his circumstances and surrounding build on pressure inside of him, they will cause a meltdown of his perky emotions. Sometimes, violence becomes his calling with his fist answering it. Blood is spilled aupon himself, with dry blood in between his fingers.
However, this era was over. He surrendered himself to someone far greater than him, who is the Creator of heaven and earth. whose wisdom exceeds all wise men, philosophers and gura. He chose to be under His yoke and for that, he became His servant, bonded under His slavery. His life wasn't a immediate change over for he was an unfaithful servant with many selfish ambitions deep inside him. His refusal to change results in death... 'The seed must die.'
The seed of self-centerness must die before metamorphosis...
Sometimes I wonder.. who am I?
I could be counted as one of a few lucky kids to have our families intact. Even though, there were a few conflict between parents. They are still very loving towards one another. Family with siblings that I can talk to and raise question to, parents that have a certain realistic goal for their youngest child - me. Am I so that fortunate actually?
Love can sometime be so complicated that the line is never clear to me. Once, my parents believed in serving their needs was filial piety and their responsibility were to hire as many tutors for me and my studies will be fine. That drove me to exile. I did once plan to escape from my life, my unfulfilled life. To be a nomad.
I pretended that my erected mattress was a tent and I lived all alone inside.. However, it was the shadow of darkness that changed my mind. Den I was baffled with my choices: I wanted to be alone in my own world, but I was so timid that I'm afraid of my own shadow.
Bit by bit, I withdrew myself from the reality. Smirking was my trademark and laughter was my voice. Inside of me was emptiness. I was literately 'an empty vessel making lots of noise.' I had to indulge myself in explicit conversation and feed a upon lust to keep myself moving.
The Dark Age glommed across the sky. I was Godless.. Turbulence was my goal. I was hopeless. I was none. I saw no future in my life. I gave up every line of shine penetrating thru my darkness. Explicit was not enough, for i craved for more and IT opened the doors for my hunger.
The last thing I knew of, was the lust of the physical that drove me on and on and on.. Door after door, I savaged for more. I'm driven by bitterness and anger. And all hell broke lose...
The very last thing I ever want to happen to my complacency was the Son of Man's arrival. Jesus aka 'the Lord saves', interrupted my routine of spiritual death. The cycle of spiritual poverty was broken.
Metamorphosis. I was born again.
Frankly, The today of me is all thanks to the effort of the Spirit of Death, who wanted to oppress the fullness within me. As the Scriptures say,
'The purpose of the thief is to steal, to kill and to destroy.'
Without my history, I'm nothing compared to my present. With life is full of unexpected strangers that either walk pass you or become your friends, I knew that I had to make tough decisions that might alter my future, which co-exist with my past and my present.
To make my stand in faith, I chose to expel all my emotions to follow the crowd. I made SRJC my choice. I went in there with no knowledge what awaits for me, what lies deep in the institution.. I approached it with a guarded heart. But things just getting better each day.
Every time, I unintentionally made a vow. I will end up contradicting my vow.
I once swear never to step into SRJC, becos the people I detest occupy it and I had an unpleasant incident there. In the end, I was posted to SRJC as an Arts student, when I took pure physics and chemistry as my specialty.
SRJC was the land of multiple of contradiction. But it's also the land of fullness.
Awesome people from my OG, brighten up my faith. Such that, I was able to walk the talk and talk the walk as well.
Diane - a wonderful lady with a peculiar attitude, beyond my understanding and analysis.
Syuhada - initially a identical copy of TKSSian . But differs much under the flag of leadership.
Han Qian - a beauty inside of her that reflects by her smile. A promising spouse, I would say.
Hui Ning - a youth of imagination. A chaser of generation. Knowledge that deepens with sight.
Joanna - a potential musician, bounded by circumstances that loyalty is her strength.
Shiying - unexpressive facial makes my knowledge of her undeterminable and undefined.
Esther - portrays a strong character that her silence is like a veil over her hidden talents.
Germaine - rather approachable. A mystery to me still. Unsolved but determine to decipher.
Xue Ying - a fortunate as a peer. An honor as a leader. Easily mistaken as Xue Er (by Jason).
Lavanya - crouching tiger, hidden dragon. A rather discipline lady for such a sweet age.
Melissa - Drama Queen. Her laughter is like a scent of a blooming flower. Potent but essential.
Shu Qing - truly, like most of her kind. Once she put on her best look. I will drool until I drown.
Hafiz - a solemn person that might not able to keep up with my childishness. A trustworthy pal.
Samuel - Uncertainty. I would describe him. Temperament is reflected by his actions.
Anthony - Charismatic person. A person who knows what he wants and will strive for it.
Jason - a motivator among the crowd. A man capable of doing great business.
Kian Wee - E disappearing act. He's like mastered the ability to dissolve without being noticed.
Zhen Wei - My first pal? A compromising person. Flock only with the same feathers.
Joey - Just like the character of my old friend who looks almost identical. Jun Xiong.
Welcome to the Aura 5 family...
Boom Ba!!
date: @ 1:26 am
title: God's Value-added Death...
Even though the Tsunami was a huge commotion to the world, mine is as well.. Life is full of unexpected activities in conjuction to each other directly or indirectly as well. That's why I need to consercrate myself daily for I have no idea what might happen tomorrrow.
Millions died due to the ignorance of the World. Countless millions live in reverance.. In reverance of what? Who is to say that they are innocent of all these and who is fit to accuse God for the dead?
Who?
No one. Absolutely no one.
If Man obeys God, he has nothing to fear. Not even death.
My Great Aunt passed away quietly in the afternoon on the 8th this month. She had lung cancer, which the medication was unless in preventing further spreading of the cancerous cells thru out her.
Her death spurred a major conflict within the family, everyone was roped into the dispute and conclusion was far from sight.
I was to be blamed for all these.. I shouldn't have fear man, but fear God.
In boldness, I stand. In fearfulness, I fall.
Her death caused me to have a sense of guilt.. I was driven by my ignorance, thus my heart hardened.. This is not Literature. It's reality. I suffered heartaches when in church for discipleship session. I wanted to open my heart to hear the gist, but my hardened heart shut all doors. I was in a turmoil. Not just a emotional distress, physical stress as well, was afflicted upon myself. I had to surrender.. had to...
Finally, Sis Von finished her session and we had extra time.. I immediately requested for permission to do quiet time on the spot. I could not take it anymore.. I could feel every pumping strained on my nerves.. I needed God. Real badly.
Once the permission was given, i faced the nearest wall beside me and I went into deep sorrow and any audible distraction was killing me.. The Holy Spirit was like a bullet train that crashed into me.. I broke down. I was broken and i wept. Pouring buckets of tears and confessing everything.. Ministering took place.. Joy was settling inside me.
Prophesy was spoken - Rebuilding the Walls.. I will be rebuilding the wall of the families, and God's in charge.. I was filled with joy and went to washed up. I was redefined again.
I think.. Death is my weakness. I fear it. When any living thing under the heaven dies.. I will be so afflicted by their death. Haxi.. but that caused me to rely on God more.. So its good weakness that strengthens me thru God....
date: Tuesday, January 04, 2005 @ 6:37 pm
title: Day 2: The Killing Season begins..
RJC with a 'S' invisible at the front.
Today is the 2nd day in SRJC. Rather dull but it all depends on the 'fresh' men's attitude lor..
If just.. Marists united with other havoc allies, the orientation will be dominated by us. Cheering at will with many cat scream across the hall.. Overthrowing the President of the 17th Counselor batch and controlling the mass crowd. We will be the King of the Kings.
A food for thought. If we, the freshmen, revolt against the power of the school. Most probably our OGLs (Orientation Group Leaders) and their gangs will chip in the mutiny.. Blood will be spilled and groaning will be music to our ears. Kidding... As Jesus once said, "those who live by the sword will die by the sword."
I'm proud to say that I'm part of the SRJC family.
The school management is alright and rather organised and going.
The seniors are not bad as well.. (maybe the OGLs are the only living beings in the school. The rest would be hide behind their books and burying into the pile of notes.)
The Principle Rox lor.. Mrs Kok rulz.. She's kind of cute. (Apologize for not able to define the definition of 'cute'.) She has a peculiar way of emphasizing a point. It's like.. she directs to the main point immediately den beat around the bush after that. (usually is the other way around.) She has the Chinese tongue, which her speech sounded rather forceful and harsh..
Kerui and Doreen are our OGLs.. they are the most 'corrupted' OGLs in my OG - 'Aura' or Or-laa...
Very slack and always not serious.. but they really Rox lar..
Other OGLs very mean and dunno how to motivate the OGs.. haha.
Kerui.. a prosperous looking king that is a privilege to the countrymen for his generosity that many might exploit..
We supposed to tour the school den Kerui took us to the center of the school where all the entrances and exits could be seen den pointed the 'direction' of the major rooms and blocks.. less than 5 minutes the tour ended and we slacked in the air-conditioned study room until lunch..
He rulz..
While inside... I thought of a friend.
I confess: a gal-de-friend. I call her 'Snow White'.
She used to sit beside me..we are partners due to the conjunction between our register number - I'm 14, den she's 15.
I wouldn't say I didn't have a crush on her.. more like puppy love. Affection just came and went as soon as I knew her better.
Our 'relationship' as desk buddies was not a 'they-lived-happily-ever-after' ending.. there was a beginning but there was not ending to the story...
According to my goldfish memory and reliable source from a reliable ex-classmate... This friend of mine, my desk buddy was separated from me.. (not because of what I did.. or is it?)
She was brutally battered by a baseball bat and hung upside down by her toes for her blood to drain and drip to dryness. Her face was disfigured beyond recognition and circular burnt marks all over her body. Crushed bones punctured her lungs and flesh and blood were mixed together. 100 odd stitches were needed to heal her wounds but inside of her, her emotion was unrepairable.. unrepairable..
SIAO DING DONG!! DONG DING SIAO!!
She was pushed down fron the stair by the guys, without further investigation, the guys were gulity of the offence den the parents came shooting at the form teacher. Bla bla bla...
Mum demanded for her to sit with another gal..
That's the end..
Sad right.. sympathy towards my situtation right..
empathy towards my sadness right.. poor thing right..
But I'm a strong boy. I can accept it. I will not cry over spill milk. You dun need to give me counseling..
At most, I call the 'pregnancy crisis service' hotline @ 63399770 during office hours on one of the days from Monday to Saturday..
I might call.. might call soon.
date: @ 1:22 am
title: Day 1: 4 years of Solitude..
4 years in MSHS was enough.. Enough of seeing waves of guys.. and being stared by some seniors who had evil designs on a gentle boy like me and drowned me with their lustful drooling..
In an institution, where an innocent boy was introduced to the axis of all evil.. from the least of the worst to the utmost of the worst.
I have seen them all..
One ring to rule them all... AHH!!!
My brain was battered (and still being) by the 12 hours (not really non-stop) Lord of the Ring movie marathon in church..
Frankly, I confess.. It's the most utmost supermost excellent movie still.. even though I watched it again for the second time. However.. the marathon had a specific significance for me..
A greater understanding of many unreasoned logic behind the whole script, stirred my heart to possess that ring as well..
At least.. it's a temptation that can been see.
The temptation of all evil - 'thee shalt rule thy world'
A decision of baptizing was a great step to another level.. or should I say a leap to the next level.
A leap that either kills you or still kills you..
'The seed must die'
A primary death would be the death to old self..
death towards your nature - sin..
Secondary death would be..
the fatal mistake of your life - against the axis of the world
by proclaiming the war against them.
Baptism..
itself means the commitment to carry the cross and follow Jesus. Be like Jesus. Completely throw yourself into the hand of God - To surrender all.. your dreams and your lifetime.
Life will never be the same.. its a battlefield.
Once you commit yourself to Jesus..
your spiritual DNA has mutated and you are a 'little Christ' for God.
A soldier that armed with a helmet of salvation, a breastplate of righteousness... your ration of food will be the Word of God..
Tough..
Foolishness.. a cliché that many will mock at me.
Sometimes, I would say that its not your friends who despise you or your relative that show contempt towards you..
It's the mocking of the evil with a 'D' at the front - Devil.
Man was cursed and separated from God, because of the mocking of the serpent upon Man's obedient.
The natural intimacy with God was broken..
Adam's DNA was altered by the Tree of Good and Evil.
It was a successful sabotage by Satan..
Satan.. the fallen angel that refused servanthood and a product of a failed attempt to overthrow his Master. Banished to the Gate of Hell with all his veiled followers.. Unrepentant of his conspiracy against the Almighty and once favored by Him. A disappointment.. Truly.
Ever since.. the time I went down into the water and rose to see the blue sky dotted with tiny clouds..
I knew the battle horn was sounded across the continents, shook the heaven and hell.
A blueprint for my destiny was drawn and a path was set ready for my departure..
Death awakes the Living.
A seed must die, before it can grow and bear fruits of its kind.
Life is uncertain for me, a path that has no pitstop.
The major reason I was in SRJC was that I didn’t counsel God in my choices and I only looked at my limitations that bounded me from hoping to get into my dream JC – RJC.
However, God didn't say anything. Nothing. Absolutely zero about my disobedient..
But He had a plan for me - to set up a prayer group that transits all domination. It’s not easy.. Not that I don’t have faith in the planning. It was the trials and drilling that was needed.. pruning and trimming.
Lately, I was terribly discouraged by the testing. I was very tired. Exhausted. Burned out. Empty.
I have been pushing myself off my limitation. Even God rested on the seventh day after creating the world, what so of a man of His creation for not resting? I sold tee-shirts and cracking my brain into setting up the screen and many others.. It was a long 2 weeks.
Not only was during the day, I worked very hard. During the night, as well..
Frankly, I ain’t that sociable. I was rather very self-centered. Emotional. Empty.
But I was redefined. Molded into a person who pays too much attention to trivial matters and subtle evidence. It’s a blessing and curse as well.. all depending on situations.
I knew that to reach out to the people of my generation. I had to flow with the current – owl campers.
The older generations dominate the day and the younger generation guards the night.
Watchmen of the Young dominate the city that never sleeps.
Spending the time for my beauty sleep to chat with them. I had to train myself to be able to type quickly and efficiently, otherwise, I might lose them..
I used to believe that chatting on the phone was women’s habit. I really detest it. I resent it. Showing contempt towards people who waste their precious time blaring non-stop. Gossiping and laughing at crude jokes.
But…
Things have to change..
The only constant way of discipleship is to change and to change is to be disciplined.
If I remains in my own cradle and dare to dream but show no action.. it’s just a contrast.
A thoughtless contemplation.
The seed must die.
It’s actually a transformation or a change in short.
Now, at least I changed my attitude.
‘Only perfect love banishes all fear.’
The refusal to change is actually the fear of Man.
Changes need to take risk and have to think positively.
To change the culture of the youth, I have to be a positive-thinker. A nation-wide dreamer. A risk taker. Dare to dream dreams. Dare to venture the unseen. Even to be banished to exile.
Because I had surrendered all and I left nothing. I might just fail and it’s the end. Thus cast into Gates of Hell until the end of the days when the Living and Dead will be judged.
Very soon. Very soon.
